Telling my Kids They Won’t Get to Meet their Sister

My wife is now twenty-one weeks pregnant, and our daughter has Turner Syndrome.  It is a very emotional time for both of us.  There are many great people with Turner Syndrome – but the majority of unborn children with Turners will not be born; and ours, according to multiple doctors, is one of those situations.

Because we did not know that anything was wrong until after we had begun telling people we were expecting our first two children were very excited.  They debated back and forth (as much as a four year old and two year old can) on what would be better, a sister (who might want their stuff) or a brother (who might get toys they didn’t want to play with).  Fast forward to now: due to all the swelling in our baby, Karah is already measuring thirty-two weeks, but is only halfway through the pregnancy.  A couple weeks ago we decided we had to tell Jovi and Jaspyn what was going on.

Every night we read a bedtime story (or two), sing a couple songs, and pray before we tuck the girls into bed.  We decided to be honest but not too technical with them.

“Girls, listen, I need to listen to this, it is important.  Jaxlee is sick inside Mommy’s tummy.”  Jovi’s face fell.  My chest tightened seeing her reaction and I was, am, so proud of how much sympathy, empathy, and love she has in her heart.  She loves Jaspyn so much, and she wanted Jaxlee here to love her too.  We didn’t know everything then that we know now.  We brought them to the last specialist appointment with us so they could hear her heartbeat, see her feet on the ultrasound; we were supposed to see her facial features but because of the swelling nothing could be distinguished…  And that’s all they’ll get.  Not only do we not get to bring our daughter home, we don’t get to bring their sister home…  it sucks.

We do believe that unborn children to go to Heaven, and we are teaching our children that.  We’ve told them Jaxlee won’t get to come home with us because she needs to go ahead and be in heaven and we will get to see her later (when we get there, after the end of a full and long naturally lived life (hopefully)).

About Kyle Souza
Kyle is a family oriented nerdy guy with a “day job” doing a wide veriaty of things and a blog talking about a wide variety of things.

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